My first week here I decided to involve myself in the city’s thriving art scene. The Royal Academy was holding an exhibition featuring some hot new painters, including a feisty young upstart named ‘Monet’. I hotfooted it over on the tube and queued eagerly for tickets.
After haggling with the clerk over the entry cost, I entered the exhibit*. I was surprised to learn that more than one Monet painting was displayed and that apparently he’d done hundreds of them. Still, more Monet for your $$$, I suppose!**
I thought that his work was definitely better than most of the coal etchings I’d seen at the Paul Gascoigne National Gallery in Newcastle, but later on I saw that the paintings became increasingly blurry and indistinct – almost like an impression of the thing he was painting and not an accurate portrayal. I chalked this up to his sheer laziness as an artist.
In the final gallery I came across a rare ‘unfinished’ piece, and not wanting his work to go to waste, I took out my biro and began to fill in the rest of it myself. This angered the bouncers that the RA had paid to watch over the paintings, and I was subsequently banned from any attending any future exhibits.
And so, my first adventure in London ended with me being frogmarched through the gift shop and slapped with a hefty fine. At least now I know what it is to suffer for your art!
*Spoiler: I paid full price.
** Correction: I actually paid in pound sterling.
- You can still book tickets for the exhibition here - it's worth every penny.